Dear Fellow Elementary School Parent:
We would all like to teach our children how to be responsible, to follow the rules and to have a sense of order. I realize this is a difficult concept for you, particularly the part about following the rules. After all, I see you every morning not following the rules, parking along the red-colored curb to wait for your child after school, or simply blocking traffic to let your child in or out, with no regard to the people behind you.
However, I feel I must reach out to you at this time for your child's sake. See, if you teach your children that it is okay to break basic traffic laws for your own convenience, then that is a lesson they will learn and apply in other parts of their life. This is school and they do learn things at school, but those things are not limited to what happens inside the classroom.
I know we are already 115 days into the school year (or so my daughter tells me) and that the 2009-2010 school year is running out, but now would be as good a time as any to start following the rules.
Here are some suggestions to things I would like for you to stop doing:
* A red curb means that you can't stop there for any reason, particularly the one that leads into the entrance of the school's parking lot. God forbid, but if something were to happen and an ambulance needed to get to somewhere quickly, chances are they'd need to stop there since it is right in front of the school and all. Anyway, as long as you continue to park there, I'm going to continue taking my time in entering the school at your inconvenience. Yeah, I could probably have scooted my truck up a little to let you out the other day, but I didn't. I would apologize for it but I'm not sorry about it at all.
* When there is a line of cars behind you, don't stop in the middle of the street to let your children out. Oh, you are in a hurry? Well, I guess since none of us behind you are in any more of a hurry it's okay... actually, I take that back. I don't care if your house is burning down. Do you know how dangerous it is for your children to get out like that, especially that little girl who looked smaller than my four-year-old?
* Just because there are a lot of cars lined up to go inside the parking lot doesn't give you the right to zoom past the line of cars, particularly after school. Children aren't always the most aware, and they tend to dart out into the street sometimes.
* We're both pulling into the same parking lot, cars coming in from the other direction. No need to cut me off, and don't give me a dirty look either. It's called taking turns.
In closing, I hope you - the irresponsible parent - were not too upset that the California Highway Patrol had two units out there in front of the school this morning, particularly you, Mrs. Ford Explorer. Oooh, I would NOT have liked to have been you. That officer did not look very happy when he was pointing at you, and the flashing lights and siren and all on his motorcycle, well, that must have just made things more uncomfortable for you, much like the money you will have to fork over for your moment of impatience.
I don't feel sorry for you, though, and none of the other similarly irresponsible parents who were ticketed this morning. After all, if you didn't break the fucking rules in the first place, none of that would have happened.
A Safe Driver