Thursday, April 22, 2010

Androgynous LB

Nearly all of the goals I had for Sunday's half marathon, I met... all, I believe save for one.

Stay with me here.

Set a new PR: Success

Finish in under two hours: Success

Use Gu and Gatorade efficiently: Success

Run 10 minutes to warm up: Success

Finish as a man: Fail

see what I mean?

According to the Run Through Redlands statistics, there is no record of Luis Bueno completing the half marathon. Instead, there is a Lois Bueno, a 34-year-old female from Riverside, who finished the race in 1:56:58.

Actually, Lois did very good in, uh, her age group. Lois finished in 32nd place overall for women, and came in third in the women's 30-34-year-old age group. Those are impressive statistics, better than the 108th top male overall and 19th male in the 30-34 male age group.

Lois however was not present for the medal ceremony as Lois' knee was bothering, uh, Lois, and Lois sorta hobbled to, uh, her car.

Lois destroyed Luis' time from 2009. Luis ran in 2:14:50, but Lois shaved nearly 18 minutes from that time, an amazing accomplishment. I wonder if switching genders is all that is needed to finish races with such improvement. If so, then Lois is signing up for the next marathon and not only will PR but will qualify for Boston. Yup, Beantown is up next for Lois, not slow-ass Luis. Nah, Luis is a thing of the past. Out with the male and in with the feminine side. Testosterone is so five minutes ago.


Here's a picture where I try and explain the situation a little bit.

If there was ever a time to use the acronym WTF, it would be now.



I wonder, though, if the Run Through Redlands is trying to tell me something. I mean, does this sound like a male or female to you?

* L_is was excited to do a French braid for the first time recently, on L_is' daughter. L_is can braid and can make a mean bun but just now is getting the French braid down.

* L_is enjoys baking, quite a bit actually; and of course L_is handles all the cooking duties at home.

* L_is has worn a pink shirt in five races since November, including L_is' first marathon.

* L_is recently ran six miles to a playlist that included Kesha, Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus, The Ting Tings and something called Metro Station.

Actually, hold that last thought... as bad as Kesha was, and I mean that was really bad, the song that annoyed me the most was The Ting Tings' "That's Not My Name." What do they say about karma being a mother? Ha, funny stuff...

So, given all that evidence, perhaps the Run Through Redlands people assumed that an -o belonged in the _ instead of -u.

Of course, I still urinate standing up. And I have facial hair. And hair on my legs. And an Adam's apple.

I'd make a butt-ugly woman.

But apparently I'm a helluva female runner.


Marathonman101108 said...

The man/woman formerly known as "Luis." LMAO the entire post. DEFINITELY a WTF moment. Congrats on the PR, and your 3rd place finish. Too bad you hurt your knee (ouch) and weren't present for the medal ceremony! However, I do feel bad for the woman who should have come in 3rd in the/your division, and instead is listed 4th. Hopefully they will correct it and she'll get her medal. I hope your knee is feeling better. I can relate to knee pain. If you need P.T. I can recommend a great (looking) P.T. BUT, you'll have to come to CT to see her. By the way, did you get the hydration belt yet?? Congrats again on smashing the 2 hour barrier, "Lois."

Jephy's Mom said...


Willoughby said...

At least you have a sense of humor about it!

tahoegirl said...

ha ha ha ha. did you wear your women's polar watch? yeah, too bad for the real third place winner! i am struggling with some left calf and knee pains. try rolling on the roller. i roll several times a day, especially the IT band and it helps. congrats again, lois! :o)

Lisa said...

I think this is funny and sucky at the same time. Can this be fixed? And as Marathonman said, the woman who should have been listed as the 3rd place finisher got robbed because someone screwed up.

Congrats agaon on the PR. You have really improved in the last me hope :)

Lisa said...

First-- CONGRATULATIONS on a fantastic PR!! You NAILED that sub-two half. You'll be running a sub-four marathon before you know it!

Second-- the exact thing happened to me at last months OC Trail Run. I couldn't find my time when they posted it and happened to glance at the men's list and there I was. Ironically, I would have done better in my age group as a man in that small race. Apparently, fast women like to run it. :-) I just went to the race director and told her about the mixup and it was fixed immediately. I hope you e-mailed them to change it. I am sure that they will.

Unless 3rd place gets a prize... and then maybe you want to claim it. ;-)

Btw, my kids are the same age as yours (4 and 6). I really want to sign them up for a kids' race. That would mean that my hubby would have to get up early and go with me to a race (so I could run too). I wanted them to run the kids' race during the Dana Point Turkey Trot, but my husband didn't want to pay $20 each AND get out of bed super early. *EYEROLL*

Maybe I'll look into the same KidK that your girls are running.

Manderz said...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! That was an awesome post!!

Ange said...

Under two hours!?!

Can you run mine for me in two weeks? You're gonna have to be in the 36 age bracket, too.

ChristineM said...

Well, whoever you are, congrats on a great run! :)

Michelle said...


Was there a prize for 3rd place? Then, maybe you want to stay in the other gender category?

Morgan said...

Priceless. LMAO!!!!!! Congrats Lois!!!