Stay with me here.
Set a new PR: Success
Finish in under two hours: Success
Use Gu and Gatorade efficiently: Success
Run 10 minutes to warm up: Success
Finish as a man: Fail
see what I mean?
According to the Run Through Redlands statistics, there is no record of Luis Bueno completing the half marathon. Instead, there is a Lois Bueno, a 34-year-old female from Riverside, who finished the race in 1:56:58.
Actually, Lois did very good in, uh, her age group. Lois finished in 32nd place overall for women, and came in third in the women's 30-34-year-old age group. Those are impressive statistics, better than the 108th top male overall and 19th male in the 30-34 male age group.
Lois however was not present for the medal ceremony as Lois' knee was bothering, uh, Lois, and Lois sorta hobbled to, uh, her car.
Lois destroyed Luis' time from 2009. Luis ran in 2:14:50, but Lois shaved nearly 18 minutes from that time, an amazing accomplishment. I wonder if switching genders is all that is needed to finish races with such improvement. If so, then Lois is signing up for the next marathon and not only will PR but will qualify for Boston. Yup, Beantown is up next for Lois, not slow-ass Luis. Nah, Luis is a thing of the past. Out with the male and in with the feminine side. Testosterone is so five minutes ago.
Here's a picture where I try and explain the situation a little bit.
If there was ever a time to use the acronym WTF, it would be now.
I wonder, though, if the Run Through Redlands is trying to tell me something. I mean, does this sound like a male or female to you?
* L_is was excited to do a French braid for the first time recently, on L_is' daughter. L_is can braid and can make a mean bun but just now is getting the French braid down.
* L_is enjoys baking, quite a bit actually; and of course L_is handles all the cooking duties at home.
* L_is has worn a pink shirt in five races since November, including L_is' first marathon.
* L_is recently ran six miles to a playlist that included Kesha, Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus, The Ting Tings and something called Metro Station.
Actually, hold that last thought... as bad as Kesha was, and I mean that was really bad, the song that annoyed me the most was The Ting Tings' "That's Not My Name." What do they say about karma being a mother? Ha, funny stuff...
So, given all that evidence, perhaps the Run Through Redlands people assumed that an -o belonged in the _ instead of -u.
Of course, I still urinate standing up. And I have facial hair. And hair on my legs. And an Adam's apple.
I'd make a butt-ugly woman.
But apparently I'm a helluva female runner.