Muddy Runner Countdown: No. 8

At number eight in the Muddy Runner Dirty Dozen is one of the many motivational posts I wrote this year.

I felt this one was memorable because I was able to post a picture of myself that was very embarrassing, a picture that haunted me for some time. Part of the process of moving on from the person I used to be to the person I am now was posting this picture.

It's a really terrible picture, one of the many horrid pictures of me that are around. But it's nice that I'm not that man anymore.

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Originally published March 9

Motivational Mondays (March 9)

It's a cycle.

This whole weight-loss thing has been a cycle. I would say a "vicious" cycle but there's nothing negative about it, well, except the lost weight itself.

Eating well and exercising drives weight loss. Weight loss becomes a motivation to continue eating well and exercising, which drives more weight loss, which becomes more motivating...

At some point the weight loss is minimal. There's not much to lose when you have, what 15-22 percent body fat depending on age and gender. At least to us normal people.

But then, it becomes a little more difficult because you are eating well and exercising but you don't see much drastic change in weight. And if you do, it's because the weight is going in the wrong direction. But that spurns more eating right, exercising, it drives weight maintenance which becomes just as good as weight loss and that is just as motivating and that forces you to eat right, exercise...

See what I mean about a cycle?

I was thinking about this recently as I feel I gained control again over my cravings. It was a little difficult sometimes recently to cook because I found myself picking at the cheese or taking an extra bite of some other ingredient while cooking. Of course, I didn't need all those extra pickings (especially the cheese, no matter how tasty it was) but they were just cravings that I couldn't resist.

But last week was good in that I took out the ingredients, got what I needed and put everything promptly back in the refrigerator or cupboard or wherever. No extra nibbles missing. On Friday, I weighed in at 186.7, my post-workout weight, which was a drop of a few pounds from the last time I'd weighed myself.

I'm back in the cycle 100 percent now. I'm confident now as well, and confidence plays a big role in weight loss. I had zero confidence when I weighed 300-plus pounds, but now that I'm at 186 and dropping hopefully to around 180, I have a sense of confidence. Now, I'm not saying I'm ready to model any underwear or anything, come on now, but I know I tackled something challenging and it leads me to have a belief in myself that I can do things I previously thought weren't doable, such as running long distances.

I don't ever forget how I used to look. It's an unfortunate image that is not only ingrained in my mind and my person but a sad vestige of a previous life that featured little confidence and low self-esteem.

That picture, that entire outing was the last straw. I had no choice but to change, and I finally felt like doing something. It's a horrendous picture, an embarrassing picture even to this day. I never thought of posting it online but have been toying with the idea for weeks now, to post it, exorcise those demons, perhaps inspire others who have just as much weight to lose or nowhere near that amount of weight to lose.

What's that cliche? If you put your mind to it, you can do anything. Well, it's corny and played out, but dammit, it's true.

Eat right. Exercise. Lose weight. Feel good. Feel motivated. Eat right. Exercise. Lose weight. Feel good. Feel motivated. Eat right. Exercise. Feel good....

Nothing vicious about it.

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