Monday, August 31, 2009

Motivational Mondays (Aug. 31)

I don't care.

I just don't care anymore. Refuse to. Not going to bother.

Whatever the scale says I weigh, I don't care.

(I'm trying real hard to fully convince myself here)

I'm happy, mostly.

It's funny because while that is (mostly) true, I used to say the same thing when I was ginormous. It got to the point where I was so big I never thought I'd get anywhere to the level where I am now. Never thought I could lose 120 pounds. Hell, I never thought I could lose 20 pounds.

But now, here I am, saying the same things.


Am I expanding again? Have I gotten north of 200 pounds?

No. And hell no.

It just seems my margin of error is small and every pound I gain (not that I'm gaining or have gained a lot), every pound I feel I should not have increases my frustration tenfold.

I don't know what I weigh. I weighed myself three or four weeks ago and I was at around 191 or 189, can't remember. I think it was 189 after a workout, 191 before. I'm carrying about 5-7 more pounds now than I was a year ago at this time. I haven't been as restrictive this year as last, although I've been running a helluva lot more now than ever.

Not sure if my body has plateaued or not and has gotten used to the running, but I might do well to try something in addition to running, such as weights or an elliptical session or two a week. I might do that once school starts when I can figure out a semblance of a schedule.

Still, I know I'm doing things right. I do well to avoid the really bad foods. I opt for salads and lighter fare when we go out. I try and eat five-to-six times a day and keep my calories around 1800 whenever possible. And I run. I ran eight miles on Saturday, for crying out loud, and burned more than 1,300 calories (according to The Polar).

So why am I going to give the scale more power than it needs to have?

Now, I'm not saying that I don't care what the scale says if it were to read (God forbid) 200-plus pounds. Frankly, I worked too damned hard to ever let myself slip, to ever let myself have a 2- in front of my weight. I deserve to reap the rewards of my lifestyle change but with that comes continued discipline that I must have now and forever. So this I-don't-give-a-damn attitude doesn't come without a disclaimer.

Despite all of my weight loss, I'm not 100 percent satisfied with how I look. I don't feel comfortable without a shirt on in public and would not think about running without a shirt, for instance. Most of the males on Desert Tortoises could run without a shirt, no problem, but I would not think about it. It's not all bad though. I don't fret about it or anything.

I'm happy with my appearance. That's the bottom line. I'm happy with how I look, I'm happy with the amount of exercise I get in and I'm happy about my nutritional choices.

I'm not a chiseled work of art like Kennedy's new soccer hero but I also am not afraid to post pictures of myself. Here's one from Sunday.

I know I'm moving in the right direction and have made lifestyle choices that will not only prolong my life but will provide me more happiness in my day-to-day life.

So why am I going to fret over what the scale says?


Willoughby said...

You've got a great attitude! Whenever I read your fitness and diet posts, I wish I had half of your determination and tenacity!

Do you think some of those pounds could be muscle that you've built from all of the running you do?

L.B. said...

I never considered that! That may indeed explain the difference.

Amanda said...

You might check into having your body fat measured by way of water. My hubby and I are going to check it out when we get to our goal weight. It would give you a clearer picture of how your body is made up now.

thrasherswife said...

Unfortunately I believe this is something most of us will always struggle with. The fear of slipping back to a weight/size we weren't comfortable with... That fear keeps us on our toes and motivate us to stay on track, but can too often run our lives in a negative way as well.

I agree with Willoughby, the added pounds are probably due to muscle gain, not weight gain.

Angie Eats Peace said...

I love this attitude, I am still working on getting there.

Tattoos and Teething Rings said...

I've been working on not caring about "the numbers," I would just like to feel better in my skin. I've even thrown out my scale in an attempt to rid myself of the weight obsession. So far, I'm feeling better not knowing what I weigh. I think that even a thin person can be unhealthy, so I really just want to focus on my overall health, and hopefully that will make me more body-confident.